I have had the blessing of gathering with multiple friends this week. Just enough time to get my wheels turning about friendship.
A few weeks ago another friend wrote on her facebook status: What makes a good friend to you? I loved the responses that came pouring in. Most of all it dealt with unconditional love and enjoying a person right where she is at. And I have been asking that of my friends as well. Seems as though it is a consistent "I just wish someone would like me for me, not for who I think I should be." You know, one that you don't have to clean up for, who loves you even in your workout clothes and no makeup and can laugh right along with you when things just don't work out the way you had planned.
Us stay at home Mom's are a interesting breed. We are some of the most social yet isolated groups out there. We yearn for connection and second guess everything. Whew, no wonder why our husbands just shake their heads!
Enter blogs and facebook. Blogs for Mommy's can be a wonderful thing - allowing you to have an outside view when you feel like your world just revolves around your little family. Wonderful ideas when you haven't gotten out of the house in days and you are thankful that you just remembered to brush your teeth. Or blogs can damage your heart. Stories of packs of women who join in life together and bond so well. Girls nights out, early morning gatherings over waffles and coffee, playdates, you name it. So we either imagine that all the women we know do all of those things when in reality, they are all in their little homes, tending to their little people. Day in and day out. At least that is how it is around in my neck of the woods.
Maybe it is the 2 1/2 year in NC transition for me. I am venturing from small talk to deeper relationships with the women I know here. You know the iron sharpening iron kind. This transition can be daunting and for me sometimes thoughts get in there like "does she really like me? Or get me?" Unfortunately, I think the more women I talk to, I find the more of us think these things too. I don't want it to be that way, at least not for the women I care about. I need the good thoughts to outweigh the bad thoughts. And maybe the more my "social" needs are met, I mean really met through deep friendships, the less the ugly insecure head will rise. For all of us.
What am I going to do to bridge the gap and build community?
- text less and call more. Yes, there will be crying and screaming in the background but as I always say a true friend is one who I can hang up on.
- invite more - you know, big playdates, small intimate playdates, just something to get out of the house and share stories. I can't tell you how much better I feel after I get out of the house and have some human contact! Girl hormones do one nasty trick on you if you let them. ;)
- be vulnerable, ask questions.
- LISTEN - ugh... hard for a talker like me!
- Encourage, encourage, encourage and LAUGH!
So what will you do to build friendships or invest in the ones you have? I am all about quality baby and I need all the help I can get. Share with me?